I've Been Born Again, Again.

Recently God has touched my heart, like I haven’t felt since I was a new believer. Perhaps the Asbury revival made it all the way to Iowa. But there has been a number of events that God has used to bring me to a spiritual place in my heart that I haven’t been in a long long time. Maybe even ever.

Firstly, I began to flirt with kinism, or kinism adjacent thinking. As a result my heart was beginning to be filled with anger and hatred. But when I began to see that these ideas were giving birth to some poisonous thoughts in my hearts it scared me. So I repented, and got off of many Telegram chat groups I was in which promoted far-right race realism ideas, and within a short span of about a week or two, I noticed that those feelings of hatred were gone, and my heart was longing for love.

Secondly, my daughter has been praying for me. Along with a bunch of other people. But I had been treating her poorly. I was not showing her the affirmation that she needed, and I was communicating through my words and actions that I did not approve of her. And my daughter is not a wicked sinful girl. She is not doing anything that would justify my displeasure toward her. But whatever it was that was going on in my heart, it was coming out of me toward her as disapproval, disatisfaction, and a general dislike.

One night, we were watching some video on Youtube that she likes, and I was complaining about it, and making fun of it. And she took great offense, because, unknown to me, this was the kind of thing that I had been doing that showed forth my disapproval of her and her decisions. So she got mad at me and threw something at me, and it hit my elbow. I did not yell at her, but I told my wife she needed to talk to her. After that conversation, my wife told me what I needed to hear, and was obviously ignorant of, that I was communicating to my daughter that I did not approve of her. And she thrives on affirmation. My heart broke.

Thirdly, I began to watch The Chosen. And watching The Chosen made me fall more in love with Jesus, and gave me a desire to really know his teachings better, and to live them out. So I started to memorize the Sermon on the Mount.

Through all these things, and probably more, God has brought me to a place where I feel like I have been Born Again, again. My heart feels like it never has. And I hope and pray that God never takes this away from me.

Thank you Lord for saving a wretch like me. For I once was lost, but now am found.